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OF  CHARACTERS,  EKTRA^CEB  AND 
1  YE*  POSITIONS  OF  THE  PERFORMERS 
DESCRIPTION  OF  COSTUMES'  AND"-  ' 
•E  OF  THE  STAGE  BUSINESS  ;  CARE- 
MARKED  FROM  THE  MOST  AP 
PROVED  ACTING  COPY.  • 


orders 


@.ccoinpany 


WALTER  H.BAKER&CO 

li|M« 

5  HAMILTON  PLACt-  BQSTON-MA§S. 


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Auld  Robin  Gray,  25<.;d...,.12  3 

Adventures!., The...  .  8  6 

By  Force  pf  Love.  ,...* .  8  3 

Bill  De trick... . .  6  3 

Brae,  th,e  P  >.# H ouse  Girl...  4  4 

Broken  ....  .  8  4 

Beyond  Pardon. ..t.,.,........,..  6  4 

Cohn';  or  Gove’s  Victory ,v..  9  3 
Clearing  the  Mists*... ,;.... ...  a  3 

Claim  Ninety-six  (96)  25e...  $;  5 
Comte  jrcial  Drummer,  Tire  5  3 
Cricket  on  the  Hearth.  The.,  6  8 
:  Dutch  K  'CrUit'(’The  25c. 14 
Dora 

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Defending  the  Flag,  25e...i:,U 
Daisy  Garland’s  Fort  a  he,  ■ 

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~  Driven  from  Home*.,..,,,  i...  6  t 

Dutch  Jake . a”U;..V;s.  *  ^ 

East  f.  ^nne... . .  ....  8 

Emigu  Vs  Daughter.........  8 

False  Ei  end.  The.... . 5 

Fatal  &b'yrr The - 

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Gram  imother  Hildebraud’p 
Deg  icj ,  25c.,..,....,.  o 

Gye.  The.  Heifers;  25c.;; 5 
Geaecal  Manager,  The...,  ,.,  5 
G  mtleinan  in  .Black,  The...  8 

Hand  y  Andy . . . 10  3 

Haunted  by  a  Shadow:. 6  2 

H*unt«4  Mill/Phe .  5  4 

Hal  HaSaVd.  25c .  7  3 

Hazel  Adams,;....".'; . 'i...  5  .8 

Hearts  of  Gold, . 5  3 

Hidden  Treasures...; .  3  3 

Hidden  Hand..,.....,.., . 13  7 

Josb  tyincheuter,  25c..........  5  3 

J oe,  the  Waif,  25c . . 5‘  3 

Kathleen  Mavourneen...  ...12  4 
Lights. and  Shadows  of  the 
Great  Rebellion,  25c...... ......10  5 

Lady  of  .Lyons..... . 12  5 

Lady  Aud ley’s  Secret .  6  4 

Legal  Holiday,..:... . .  5  2 

Hit  Te  Goldie,  25c . .  11  3 

Lit\  i.  Heroine . . .  8 

-^leS  The-.......,,......,^.:'© 

Revenge . . . 11 

London . .8 

s  Peril. . 5 

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s  Daughter,  25c... .  7 

Midnight  Mistake . . . .6 

Mill, cl  the  Quadroon* . .  6 


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Mistletoe  Bough...... 

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Mrs.  Willis’  Will . . . P 

Musical  Captain,  The  25c. ..15 

My  Pai-d,  25c.... . 6 

New  Magdalen,  The .  6 

New  York  Book  Agent. . N7 

Not  Such  a  Fool  as  He 

Looks . . . 5 

Noel  Corson’s  Oath... .  8 

.Oath  Bound. . 4 

Old  Honesty..; . 5 

Old  Phil’s  Birthday .  5 

Old  Wayside  Inu,  The .  9 

Old  Glory  in  Cuba,  25c.  . u  8 

'  Our  Kittie . 6 

Outcast’s  Wife..... . 12 

Out  on  the  World . ; .  5 

Our  Country  Aunt . . .  0 

Our  A^ful  Aunt . 4 

Our  Jack . . . 7 

Penn  Bapgood..... . 10 

Peleg  and  Peter,  25c. .  4 

Pheelim  O’Rookes’  Curse...  8 
Phylis,  the  Beggar  Girt..; 

Raw  Recruit,  The. . 

Rachel,  the  Fire  W’aif,  25c... 

Reward  of  Crime,  The . 5  3 

Rock  Alien...,...;..,...;..* .  5  4 


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Southern  Rose,  A... . 10 

Spy  of  Atlanta,  25c7.... ..*... .14 

Suture’s  Dartghter,  The .  5 

Su Blight,  35c.. . . . , . 

S  weetbrier. . . . . . . . . 1. 

Trix  ie. . . . . . 

Taggs,  the  Waif,  25c. . ...i  d 

Through  Snow  and  S«u- 

shine...:;..' . . . 

Ticket  of  Leave  Man. 

Tom  Blossom... -.m . 

ToodLes . 

Uncle  Tom’s  Cabin... 

Uncle  .Te  i’s  Fidelity.. 

Under  the  American 

9oe..... . 

Wild  Mat . 

Won  at  Last ... 


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Zion..... 


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'W,*VV/ 

PLAYS. 

.75,.  Adrift .  6 

391  Among  thb  Moonshiners, _ 7 

78  At  Last . . . < 

187  Aunt  Dinah’s  Pledge...;.);....  6 
254  Dot;  the  Miner}*  Daughter  9 

202  Drunkard,  The- . . . ....13  5 

185  Drunkard’s  Warning....,...,  6  3 

189  Drunkard’s  Doom . .  .15  5 

181  Fifteen  Years  of  a  Dvunk- 

ard’s  Lffe^...;..  ..10  4 

183  Fruits  of  the  Wine  Clip.,...  6  3 
104  Lost* . V . .  6  2 


WThe  Telephoned 

l  '’Pi'  T/i  /  i  t  ^  t  %  t*  '  *\A  l— s  f'v  • . 

'  A  SCREAMING  FARCE  ’ 


IN  ONE  ACT. 

—  li v  —  -  : 

C.  L.  F„ 

Author  of  *■  Take  Your  Medicine,"  “  The  Jolly  Jocky  Club,"  “  The 
/Ural  Ball  Nines',"  “ Mr .  and  Mrs.  Hemlock,"  “ Doctor's 
Da  uf/hfrr,"  '■’/'/<<’  Hidden  Hint/." 

■ — — -O - 


- TO  WHICH  IS  ADDED  —  tr 

A  DESCRIPTION  OF  THE  COSTUMES— CAST  OF  THE 

•  '  ;  ’  i.  ■  ..  .  i 

CHARACTERS— ENTRANCES  AND  EXITS— RET. A- 


TIVE  POSITIONS  OF  THE  PERFORMERS  ON  THE 


STAGE, 


AND  THE  /WHOLE 
STAGE  BUSINESS. 


THE 


, - o - 

f  ^  .  ,.4,  ...  .  Ii.  ,,  .  .  *#•*  .  .  .  •  .  ,  .  I  ■  •*  '• 

Copyrighted  1903,  by  Charles.  L.  Fleming. 

- - -O- - 

.  * 

Entered  according  to  act  of  Congress  in/he  year  1904,  by 

AMES’  PUBLISHING  GO. 


in  the  office  of  the  Librarian  of  Congress  at  Washington. 


- O- 


AMES’  PUBLISHING  CO., 


A 


a  it 


V 


CLYDE,  OHIO. 


-  A  SCREAM  NO  FARCE 

“THE  TELEPHONE.” 

V’-'M ;  \  :  r-M  ~  a  f  < ;  \>  a 

Scene. — A  square  room,  office-like,  with  scenery  of  telephone  boxes 
painted  on  it.  A  square  screen  in  centre  of -stage  with  telephone  box 
attached  to  the  left  side.  Table  to  the  left  of  the  stage,  with  two  chairs,  on 
the  right  of  the  stage  a  number  of  chairs. 

Properties. — Wigs  for  each  character.  Dust  brush.  A  flour-blower.  Ink, 
pens  and  paper  for  table.  Books  find  papers  for  callers. 

Costumes. 

' 

Sambo  AN])  Bam  bo.— Suits  to  suit  funny  negro  characters.  h  v. 

Mil.  Shelby. — Regular  office  dress  ; , linen  coat’,  any  color  trousers,  gray 
beard  and  wig. 

Louis  Barrett. — High  hat,  long  coat,  bald  head,  wig  any  color,  light 
pants,  red  vest,  walking  cane. 

Rai.ph  Sculler.— Regular  base  ball  suit. 

1  Tarry'  Wilson. — Regular  foot  hall  suit. 

Stanley  Faber. — I  Ugh  hat,  short  coat,  white  vest  Jight.lpd  gloves,  high 
collar  and  red  tie,  large  watch  chain,  light  auburn  wig,  w&lking  stick! 
Chappy  Dunly.— Dress  apd  hair  of  regular  dude.,  with  -eye  glass  and 

*•  i  t.'.l  .•  \  \  '  - }  ■  ■ 

walking  cane.  (All  as  the  manager  wishes.) 

Joseph  Jones  — Regular  chef  dress,  middle,  age and  Ue.rVons  looking. 
Barney  O’Malley.— Regular  policeman's  suit,  red  heard  and  wig. 

Characters. 

Mu.  Fred  Shelby . ...... /i.-iHead  clerk  in  the  Fake  Telephone  Office 

Lam  bo  1  . . Colored  boys  ill  the  Telephone  service 

Sambo >  — 

Louis  Barrett . A  stage-struck  Freak 

Ralph  Sculler.  ....Crank  on  Base  Ball 

Harry  Wilson . . . Gone  on  Foot  Ball 

Stanley  Faber . . . . . . \  would-be  singer 

Chappy  Dunly . . ,.An  aristocratic  dude 

Joseph  Jones. . A  tnbsf  nervous  chef 

Barney  O’Malley . a.  .,..v ............ -.p;...,. ...  A  conscientious  policeman 

Positions  on  stage  when  mirtain  drops  : 

Umbo,  O'Malley,  Shelby,  Sambo, 

!  ,/  K  ;  .  >  ,  .  i  c  Singer.  ,v  J  j  f 

Time  playfed  to  suit  the  manager. 

Can  introduce  females  if  desired. 


A  SCREAMING  FARCE, 

8>fcT0tX>  V»  ;  ftfmsMii  bio  trsv  ff  t  i  /j  sm-nr  etjLal  H  vr 

“  T  h  E  TELEPHON  E.” 

•Offr'O*  jfUi-JTJSOV  'A  (KiH  {K^  3;.  M\  '  "  'i  * 


mTTT 

.  /.  4  j 


:  >:imho  arid  Lambo  behind  1  he  scene,  making  a  great  noisa 
.chafing  each  other  about  the  stage.  using  a  dust  brush.) 

'Lambo  ciVa^S  Tforifrtta  around  t  he’ telephone  screen: ) 

(Sain bo  gets  into  the  box  screen  and  looks  oVer  at  LaUibo:)" 
Sambo.  I  see  you  Eatnho;  • t,J  t;-‘ :  •  m\rJ 

Lambo.  ¥ seiryou  Sambo  (  both  laugh  loudly,  i 
Lambo.  Say,  Sambo,  does  your  mother  know  you’re  out?  ; 
Sambo'.  No;  does  you  is,  (both  laugh  loudly.") 

Lambo.  Lome  off  the  perch.  Sambo. 

'"’y  Sandro’ brushes  the  thee  of  Lambo  with  -th'O  brush  he  has. 
Sambo  laughs  loudly. )  1  '  i)’V( 

'  ISYidw:  Cdrhe  let’s1  have  a  song.  (Both  go  to  centre  and  sing. ) 

After  song  Lambo  a  ntf  Sain  bo  keCp  time  in  a  cake 
walk  song.  (Enter  Mr.  Shelby.  ) 

Mr.  Shelby.  (In  anger.')  Here’!  What  do  you  two  fellow's 
mean  (starting  for  them),  get  to  yon?- work,  quick': -  (Both  -run 
to  worked  ....  .  •  oiiob>.  .o  UtieH 

'  '•l3l¥:1Sh3lby.  (Sits  at  &esk  to  wfttfe:)  0  Bid  anyone  call  for  me 
to-day.  Sambo?.  . 


tiiW 


.  Sambo/'  No.  MnWler.  tqU/I  ot  rfaiw'I  ydfe  ■ 

r-^  Mr:  Shell W.  All: right,— cdbie  here,  Itotli  of  yW.i  (Both  come 
in  a'ritsb:  j  '  - 

:  :Mr.  SheibV .*af Exited.’)  Sfdp  ^mr  rionsinSe-*— start'd  -on  each 
side  of  this  table,  (Both.)  r .  :  o  y 

ST r.  Shelby  We  are  to  begin  operations  in  this  new  office  this 
evening  ;  do  you  understand?  ;  • 

.  Boys,  (Tpgtdln3.)  Yes,  Master. 

Mr.  Shelby.  ‘You  arc  to  answer  all  the  telephone  calls  and  re¬ 
ceive  all  the  messages.  Yob  understand  me?  :  ’  ’■  ' 


see 


i;»9ys,  t  r oget nejyi n  surprise1. ;  r  es;  taster  -  ■  • .  c 

Sir.  Shelby.  YVell.^airibo.'yvou  are  to  get  into  this  box,  and 
answer  all  the  telephone  cglls  ;  and  you,  Lambo,  will  answer. the 
door  bell  and  show  the'jibopTe  to  fh'tB’phohe  ;  See ?•  -d;-..  .* 

Boys.  (Together.)  Yes,  Master. 

Mr.  Shelby.  Now  we  have  a  little  time  to-go  through  the  bus¬ 
iness  be  lore  the  neonle  come.  ,  ,.I  usf  w.4it  a  monifent.  Mm 

*  ^  (Btit^’pett  eacb'blhei ,)/  •<  .iK 

Mr.  Shelby.  Well!  WTe)l  !  I  shall  have  a- fuie  time  thijseven- 

’  tfoofTTelb;  erdf  buOiifl  ai  oflW  .rrffo:®  .tM 
xod  &&h 


'Mixs 

,1  fil* 


4 


•‘THE  TELEPHONE 


ing  with  this  fake  telephone  and  with  my  old  friends  ;  of  course 
they  will  not  know  mein,  this  disguise.  (Excited.)  Stop  that 
fooling  ;  come  let  me  show  you  what  to  do. 

Boys.  (Together.)  All  right,  Master. 

Mr.  Shelby.  You  stay  in  the  box,  Sambo — (both  rush  toward 
the  box). 

Mr.  Shelby.  (Excited.)  Here!  not  you,  Lambo ;  get  out 
here — you  are  to  mind  the  bell. 

Lambo.  Shure,  Master.  (Lambo  laughs. ) 

Mr.  Shelby.  Now,  when  1  speak  through  the  ’phone  you  an¬ 
swer  me. 

Sambo.  Shure,  Master.  '■}  ,7  . 

(Mr.  Shelby  rings  the  ’phone.  ) 

Sambo.  (Stands  up  over  the  screen,  shouts.)  Hello  !  What 
does  you  want,  Master?  ... 

Mr.  Shelby.  (Excited.)  Get  down  and  answer  the  ’phone  ! 

Sambo.  (Laughs.)  Shure  I  will. 

Mr.  Shelby.  Get  down,  I  say. 

(Sambo  goes  back  again.) 

Mr,  Shelby.  (Kings  up.)  Hello! 

Sambo.  Hello ! 

Mr.  Shelby.  Give  me  6-4-20  —  The  American  Stage  Company. 

Sambo.  All  right.  ^  /.Vf»  «>j - 

Mr.  Shelby.  I  wish  to  hear  Ralph  Booth  in  his  play. 

Sambo.  (Declaims  behind  the  screen. )  lam  the- ghost  of  my 
father,  come  to  deal  out  vengeance  on  his  murder  —  now  !  is  my 
time  to  take  blood  for  blood  in  atonement  for  your  crime.  Die,  I 
say,  die  !  thou  art  a  villain  ! 

Mr.  Shelby.  O,  my  !  but  he  is  great.  If  I  could  but  speak 
like  him. 

Sambo.  (Coming  out  )  Ls  it  all  right.  Master. 

Mr.  Shelby.  ( Excited. )  Yes,  fine  !  Get  into  the  box  again. 

Sambo.  All  right,  Master.  (Enters  box.) 

Mr.  Shelby.  Try  it  again,  Sambo. 

Sambo.  Shure,  Master.  (Goes  into  box  again. ) 

Mr.  Shelby.  (To  the ’phone  )  Hello!  (No  answer.) 

Sambo.  (Comes  out  of  the  box. )  Shall  I  speak  again,  Master? 

Mr.  Shelby.  (Excited.)  Shure  you  will.  Get  in  the  box,  I 
say,  into  the  box  ! 

Mr.  Shelby.  ( Rings ’phone. )  Hello! 

Sambo.  Hello ! 

Mr.  Shelby,  Give  me  4-11-44.  ,  .  .7 

Sambo.  A11  right,  4-11-44. 

Mr.  Shelby.  Is  this  the  New  York  Base  Ball  Club? 

Sambo.  Shure!  ,  , ;  .• 

Mr.  Shelby.  Who  is  ahead  this  afternoon  ? 

Sambo.  Sharkey  (over  the  box). 


“the  telephone”  5 

Mr.  Shelby.  Sharkey!  What  do  you  mean  ? 

Sambo.  Mean  !  Why,  don’t  you  knqw  Sharkey  knocked  the 
ball  out  in  the  last  round. 

Mr.  Shelby.  (Excited.)  Get  down  off  that  box.  Now,  come 
out  here.  See  you  answer  the  ’phone  just  as  I  tell  you. 

Sambo  and  Lambo.  (Together. )  Sliure  we  will,  Master. 

Mr.  Shelby.  Now  get  to  work  and  clean  up  the  place  (going 
to  desk. )  My  !  but  I  will  have  some  fun  to-night  with  this  fake 
telephone — but  never  mind,  no  one  will  know  me  in  tbie  disguise. 
I  say,  Sambo  and  Lambo,  and  the  rest,  let’s  have  a  song.  (Four 
come  to  sing.  Here  some  lively  songs  and  dances.  The  door  bell 
rings. ) 

Mr.  Shelby.  (Excited.)  Get  into  the  box,  quick.  Answer 
the  bell,  Lambo  ! 

( All  excitement.  Bell  rings  again.) 

Mr.  Shelby.  (Excited.)  Answer  the  bell,  I  say  ! 

Lambo.  All  right,  Master.  (Laughing.  Answers  the  bell. ) 
Lambo.  pome  in.  (Enters  Louis  Barrett. ) 

Louis  Barrett.  The  telephone,  sir,,  the  telephone,  I  say. 
Lambo.  Here  you  are,  Master. 

Louis  Barrett.  (Goes  to ’phone. )  Hello! 

Sambo.  Hello ! 

Louis  Barrett.  )  62-20-40- M, 

Sambo.  62-20-40-M. 

Louis  Barrett.  Hello  !  Give  me  the  Grand  Opera  House. 
Sambo.  All  right— Grand  Opera  House. 

Louis  Barrett.  Is  Jo  wan  Pleba  playing  now? 

Sambo.  Yes. 

L.  Barrett.  Kindly  let  me  hear  him.  , 

Sambo.  All  right— listen. 

Is  there  a  man  so  dead , 

Who  to  his  wife  had  said, 

Let  me  drink  myself  to  death, 

Now— -or — never  ! 

L.  Barrett.  Oh,  my  !  but  he  is  grand,  would  that  I  couI(|  be 

like  him. 

Lambo.  Take  a  seat,  sir  !  Here,  read  this  Kook,  please.  (Si(s 
down.)  •  ,  Y.  Y 

(  Door  bell  rings.  Enter  Ralph  Sculler. ) 

R.  Sculler.  Hello,  Stony  Lonesome. 

(Lambo  dusting  him.  Sculler  excited . 

R.  Sculler.  Where  do  you  keep  the  ’phone? 

Mr.  Shelby.  Over  there. 

Lambo.  Over  here,  Master. 

R.  Sculler.  Get  out  you  lump  of  nothingness 
R.  Sculler.  Hello ! 

Sambo.  Hello ! 


I'll 


n  "THE  TELEPHON'E/ 

g  '  anrsE'TjfjuT  2*utt 

R.  Sculler,  t^ve  me  the  Base  Ball  Club  on  the  . New  York 
grounds.  "* 

Sambo.  What’s  the  number  ? 

R.  Sculler.  What’s  the  number  !  How  do  I  kiioWb 
’^Sfcinbo  Can’t  have  it — fcftase  yourselfr  ’tC‘  'i  ^ 


Sambo.  Call  again,  boss. 

R.  Sculler.  ’  (Tries  again. )  Hello  !'rib:20.  ,  : 

Sambo.  '  16-20.  *  ,odM?*id.  bo»  m 

RfSehllfer.  Is  ‘this  the  centre— hdselbdll  fie^ftj— Netl  York:  ’ 
Sambo.  Yes.  .  . } 

Rt‘ Sculler*.  '  Ar^’tlie  New  York’fc  ahea'rf  W‘ ' v1  '  p  !1’- 
Sambo.  No — they’re  in  the  soup.  .  eo.-.ri,., .  .  ted  an-J 

(Gets'exeited. )  .  .  . ,  i  .  .  {Jj 

Lambo.  Keep  nttiet,  you  lime — sit  dowtiH-ir^re’s  h  book/  *b 
n"-‘ ;,lli  ■  (  Uell -rings. r-  • 

Mr.  Shelby.  (HxLliett  |  '  Get  to  the  door,5'  'fLamb0!  (fufirab  to 
door. )*  Come  in:  (Eider  Harry  Wilson. ) 

Harry  Wilson.  Good  evening.  bosjs.  ’  " 

Mr.  Shelby.  Good  evening  sir  , 

H.  Wilson.  May  I  speak  through tRy ’phoneb]'/’11  .H*1  ; 

Lambo.  No.  You  may  speak  Otbr  it,  yon  l^bsteL  ’ ! ..  ?r:  , 
Mr.  Shelby.  Keep  quiet,  you  scoundrel.  ‘feir,  dOh’tYHJ lift'd  he 
boy,  he’s  Off  in  the  Upiter  story/  : 

H.  Wilson.  I  shoultt'kay  lie  ns!  a  Rttlo  wryly.  li-r*  :lA  infib? 

H.  Wilson.  Hello-:  '  No:  vr>t  -r  n:*d 

Sambo.  14-20-60.  .  .  ,  _  <  .«dm«g 

H.  Wilson.  Is  this  the't^dt^Sll^fhb-^ftyyton,  Qmpl 
Sambo.  Yes,  they  aye  tjull  of  date^.'^8i\  *,  ;  ’ 

H.  Wilson.  (Excited  ]  Thuildei’?  What  kind  of  talk  do  you 
11  Hint  throughjhe  1  ii  , am  b  C7f  v’^  - 


oall  that 
Lambo 


H.  Wilson.  Get  out  of  here  or  I'll  spill  you  all  over.  ...  . 

’  fcdmbo.  (Erfiied.)  ;  WT '.H 

Mr.  Shelby.  Take  a.  seat,  sir. ,  (Seats,)  I  am  ^orry/^ir. ’tlntt 

fJK  '  ;  ■  w  -  a*  ' '  -  . 

H.  Wilson.  O,  that’s  all  right,  see!  .  rf  , 

>v.  Get  to  tfye  di>or  ^od.  V,0j  "  '  g  ” 

01 .  a iUOd  / OlKLri.  tu.^ULOtkfii! 


Mr.  Shelby 
Lambo.  Shure,.  Master.’  Come  in. 


S.Faber. 

Mr.  Shelbs-.  Don’t  mention  it. 


i 


.TOlloori  M 

odm$H 


TRI .  T9! P I f .  7 

'.V'atet'.  (Gkes  to  tW’ phone. )  KoM'-2^-0.;  1  m- J 

"Sambo.  1-‘2":Mi. 

,  JS.  Eaber.;  tlitch  me  onto  the  Aciuimny  of  Music. 

Ma’frtho:  (Comes 'out.  )  What  will  !  bitch  liim  on  to,  Mastei  ? 
Mr.  Shelby,  (Excited.)  Get  into  the  box.  yoivpVd  fool.  ;l  ’’ 
S.  Faber.  (Jn  surprise.)  Sir!  what  is  the  matter  with  the 

or..?  •'  - 

Mr.  Shelby,  In  a  minute,  sit.  ‘  (Excited.)  Get  into  the  box, 
H  drifey  ftlToW."' '  ’  •  ■.  w 

f  (Sambo  goes  into  the  box.) 
nhb  Helli>  f  Np.;  1-2^0. 

'liber.  ()h;  nil  tvtght :  hello  !  uv/ 
bo.  Hello!  - 

.dtibr.  Ift’t his  the  Academy  of  Music? 

bo.  Oh,  ves.  . 

’aber.  Well,  let  me  hear  the  great  Decis  Hanley  at  the 
tea bee:  *  '  '  “  a  -  om-h  /> m  *  ' 

'O.  All  l  i'.dit.'  listen  : 

..  '•  My  tirn buck  too 

'  !  I  See  thrdugh  yott' 

In  the  old  rue,  ;<>  •  •«  w. 

}  '  1  '  Ry  the  Hoeful  meW”  '1 ''  ■  ' 

S.  Faber.  Oh,  how  grapd  lie  sings,  would  that  I  could  aecom- 
any  him  thus. 

Lam  bo.  Dry  tip,  yob  shrimp.  Here,  sir;5  take  a  seat.  (Sits 
dowip)  .  ..  '•  :'j  b’'1  ' ain-J  ;  •<  -‘Hi: 

(Bell  rings.) 

Lambo.  Oh,  jumpins,. another  call  ?  .  <  ‘ 

Mr.  Shelbv.  Go  to  the  door,  sir: 

Lambo.  Yes,  Master.  Come  in.  ( Enter  Chappy  Duniy  ) 
Lambo.  Well^xYould  you  get  on  to  the  chappy; 

Mr.  Shelby,  (Excited.  Shakes  his  list  at  Lamlkv.) 

Samw.""  (Stands up pioftMb  over  'th<5fscreeVi. ) 

Mr.  Shelby.  (Cries  to  both  'to  keep  Quiet..)- 
Chappy  Duniy.  (  Walking'  idi  int .  >■  Well,  bow — I’d-like-to- 
know — oil !  any  —  main  kin  !  t  Mwi  ng  aird  putting  glass  to  eye. ) 
I  should  treble  —  well-now  (load  ing  at,  Shelby,  bowing.)  and 
pray  where  is  the  telephone,  sir.  ':r-t  ,,  l'r  :  ; 

Mr.  Shelby.  (Bowing  '!  Over  there,  sir.  Lambo,  show  the 
gentleman  the  box. 

Lambo.  Yes,  sir.  Conre  this  way,1  sir.’-  (Goes  to  rphone. 
8ptgks:t<»  receiver. ) '•  "  "K  ; 

*;Chapj»T  ihitily.  (Rihjgihg’phdrne b)M  Hollo  !  Hello! 

;  Sambo  •  -  ■’ 

Mr.  Slobby.  (Excited.  f  Get  UeVi’O,  SiiYn bo,  I  say,  get  down. 
Chappy  Duniy.  I-say  !  1-say!  sir  la  the  matter  with 

the  ’phone? 


g  “THE  i'i:EEElfIIONE’> 

Lambo.  Look-,  Master,  lie’s  smoking .(ho,  receiver.  (Laughing.) 
Mr.  Shelby.  (Excited.)  Sir. — nothing’s  the  matter  with  the 
’phone,  you  are  speaking  through  tlie  wiongjCnd,  .  , 

Cbapp\  Imnlv.  iSui[ >ri  ed.,)  Oh!  gracious,  so  J  was.  Hello! 
Hello!  Ao.  2-5-7. 

Sambo.  2-5-7. 

Chappy  Dunly.  Hello  !  Is  this  Pothy  —  Oh  !  Pothy  !  \  had  a 
lovely  time  last  night  at  t  he  opera.  ,  .  ‘ 

Sambo.  (Syringe. )  Oh,  you  don’t  say  so.  (Sambo  blows  flour 
through  hole  in  screen. )  ,  ,  ,  ;f  .  ( 

Chappy  Dunly.  (Sereams  )  Oh  !  mercy  !  I  am  -—electrified  ! 
Lambo.  (Shouting.)  Oh,  he’s  sflot  with  the  sparks  from  the 

wire.  i  ob'.di  *  a?  ■.  r 

Mr.  Shelby.  I’m  sorry,  sir-—  take  .a-  sent-  Lambo,  atten 
this  gentleman.  ,  ,  >0  . 

Lambo.  (Laughing  ).  .Shore,  Master.  (Bel)  rings.) 

Lambo.  (Drops  dude  and  runs  to  tlie  bell. )  Come  in  !  Come 
in!  (Enters  Joseph  Jones.  Chasing  Lambo  —  all  excitement. 
Shelby  very  much  excited.)  .  . 

Joseph  Jones.  I  want  the  ’phone— where  is  it?  I  say  where 
is  it— give  me  the  ’phone  at  once.  ,  ,  ; 

Mr.  Shelby.  Over  there!  (Grabbing  him.)  Over  there! 
( Pushing  him. )  -  : 

Lambo.  ( Running  about  the  stage  laughing. ) 

Mr.  Shelby.  (Excited.  )  Keep  quiet,  Lambo. 

Sambo.  (Climbs  to  the  top  of  screen. )  '  ?  J  , 

Mr.  Shelby.  (Still  excited. )  Answer  the ’phone — get  down, 

I  say. '  .  Him- tm  mm;  gfikurm/  do  . 

Joseph  Jones.  Hello!  Hello!  Hello!  ; 

Sambo.  Hello  ! 

J.  Jones.  No.. 78. 

Sambo.  All  right. 

J.  Jones.  (Excited.)  Send  the  fire  brigade  !  Everylhing  in 
the  house  is  on  fire  !  Fire  !  Fire  ! 

Sambo.  (Excited.  .-Jumps. from  scre^py) 

Mr.  Shelby.  (Excited.).  Cries  for  order.  ,  .  : 

All  together.  Fake  telephone. 

Again.  Imposter ! 

(Policeman  enters.  AilJ(ppint  to  Shelby  and  say,  together) 
Arrest  that  man — imposter  !  (Shelby  takes  off  his  disguise. ) 

All  together.  Shelhv  ! 

Mr.  Shelby.  Yes,  dear  friends,  I  know  you  al(  — we  had  a 
pleasant  evening  with  the ‘  Fake  Telephone.”  So  shall  all  out 
life  be,  let  us  hope,  as  it  has  been  this  evening- — full  of  fun  with¬ 
out  harm  or  displeasure  to  any  one.  Come,  let  us  sing  a  song. 

(Song  selected. )  •  '  vb  •  - 1  •  J 


1 


V 


Three  Giass^a  J 
Tea  Nights  in  a  B 


co*»*. 

124  An  Affiieterf  F 
&  Biter  Bit,  T1 
3j4  BirdFaruily 
2ri7  Caught  In 
248  Capture3 

868  Ca8^0’ f* . 

131  Cigarette,  _ I  ,  * 

Fanner  Lari  in’s  Boarders!  &  4 
Girl  from  t>  e  Midway,  The..  3  2 
Heroic  Qtf^hffisn  of  376......  8  3 

* *■  *7* z  ■  5  3 

a  a  Spir  jif  s  V\ 

$m&em 


’  if™  . . 

o(9  Dutchman ’a  Picnic,  The . 3  0 

188  Dutch  Prize  lighter.-..'......  3  0 

407  Dr.  Baxter's  Servants . ...4  0 

218  Everybody  Astonished .  4'  0; 

224  Fooling  \yith  the  Wrong 

■  . . . .  2/ 

233  Freezing  a  Mather-in-Law.  3  2 

®  *un  m  a  post  Office . . 4  2 

£*■  Family, Jars . . . .  5  2 

209  Goose  with  'the  Golden 

.  5  3| 


. . •?  a  iiggs..: .  5  .3 

8  5  |  307  Hailab^hoola,  the  Medicine 

~  25e..,.. ......  7  -  2  }‘  Man  .  4  3 

lafcz  s  Mistake..;;.  4.  3  f  2d  Hans  Brummel’s  Cafe... .  &  0 

l\l  nf.  .  9  •_>  .  Mi!  7T  -  * 


or  Not  Lust;  :..  3 

9.  3 

ogay’s  Blunder.  3  3 

•  m - - - u.  j..  ■  ,  »■ 


no  diasn  1  <r  9 

140  How  He  Popped  the  Ques¬ 
tion....... . .  1  1 


Blunders.,  5  3 

mN.  . ...7  6 

•V . .  fi  4 


>> 


&$rv&lfrv  Bv 


-*'rT 

306  Three  Hats,  me 
240  -  42,000  Reward  ,..!.!. 


'*  rf  *  •  .  .  .  ....  .  .  .  .  ...... 

vy . . .  . .  I?.  ,4  4  74  Ho  w.  to  Tame  ’V  on  r  M oth  er- 

ifi-Law . 4  2 

— . .  •  v  36b  Hotel  Healthy  . ■; .  4  3 

•A-U-. .  6  5]  398  Haunted  Hat!  The.;/..  !!!  .  2  0 

;>*V  .>■•'.••  #  £.  308  Irish  Squire  of  Squash 

Ridge. . . 4  2 

95  In  the  Wrong  Clothes. 5  3 

305  Jacob  Shi afTs  Mistake. .  3  2 

299  Jimmie  Jones., . 3  2 

II  Jobn  Smith.............. .  5  3 

99  JumboAum.  -.... . 4  3 

406  Judge  by  Proxy.. . .  5  2 

303  Kiss  i n  the  Dark... ! ........ . .  2  3. 

389  Kitty  and  Patsy . j  1 

QQA  .1 tiki,.  / 


380  Katie’s  Deception. ....  4;  2. 

228  Latiderbach’s  Little  S'-.-'-s  ^ 
a..? .  ■.  . 


prise . . 


1  ■ 


302  Locked  in  a  Dres^ •  ■  • 

■  Room.  . yn..Jtke'-  ^  2 

I06  l.o« ;  ..  K»r-  Two  :> 

’■'v  i  • ...  gantjl  Coiuier<*\»>‘ty^*30 


16  The  Serf  !  if  .e  Btu^qrs  th?u  ime..  $4  , 

. 0O8  ‘Mother .s  . 4  4 

.  0  *!f5Sb  ;v.-lvIq%x>pivtBi •;•••-,.  .....  -f  .  r 


«•••  35r:  ;  ideate bnn^kiitg  .’lEfeihe 

91  u.Vv’^aT"  ••",•; . — .  4  -3'1  ,^:i  ai^ixe  Doncv,v>.*rh‘e  .  ..• 

*  fe  :“»T . .  '  J  ■»  i  : 

.  '  ~  "  *  305  Nip  and  Tupn  ....!,..; . !!...  3  ,i  ! 


/  • 


jflfcf*-'" 

- 


m 


.V 


pax?, 
\  ■■Mi 


o  a a i  v/ arden  er . . . ... 

Pi-Jicody . 


'195 

it  am  iriiZJ'jcjcto  SJ  -.. 7 

•t*g£ ;  Popping  the  Question  \... 2  » 
Printer  and  His  Devils  , The  3  1* 
159  Quiet  Family  ^  4  4 

..."  .w-'-jgj  %«iap?iX..,rj:::;:;:;-:  6  ^ 

m  ^iPP\es  . . . 

Hi  5OJT£^ r>la>Bf>W? ..............  ..  6  3 

tf?  44a.  . . ,.  2  0 

3le  -  Rascal  Pat.  That.;.,.  S  2' 

M  Jutbeii  2  i 

68  Sham.  Professor,  The.  4  0 
S95  Spellin'  Skewl,  The.....".*.  ”!.”*  7  6 
309  Sauta  Claus,’  Da u  filter  -  §  7 
im  Sewing  Circle  of  Period....  0  5 
115  8.  H.  A.  M.  Pinafore  .....  .  5  3 

55  Somebody’s  Nobody....,,,,;..'.  3  2 

32v  Strictly  Temperance  2  2 

232  Stage  Struck  Yankee.  ZZ'.  -4  2 

241  btei>ck .by  .Lightning . 2  &; 

270  Bliek  and  Stineer . . . .5  0. 

i  and  Crasher. .  5  2 

305  StupM  Gupid.,...  -  l  q, 

34o  gigrt .pag  ac-  Actor . . i •  V 

413  Sw'toheU  Off.  .  •,  0 

B  3:°°  >9»»y  oiwMirrs*  3 

Ti-.’O  aer,ik-s«ti  it,  a  H*.,...  2 

33f  XuKiug  the  Census. .  1 

16/  Ttira.ljj®  Out..,  ;  3 

^28  Thirty  .hree  Ncict  Birthday  4 
II  «•*  ***#«*» . 5 


ups  Trip;..,.;,,... 5 

oripinh  ’fep  'i  ience  in 
tpr’  otn. 

Ham.  ted 
Hi  r  . 

BypuciOTidria'i 
Tutellip  mce  Gfllv-e, 

319  In  For  3:  . . 

86.3  Jake  woA  Snow . .  * 

88  Mischievous  Nigger.......;,..,  4 

256  Midnight  Colic .  2 

128  Musical  ii® key . % 

61  Not  as  Deaf  vs  He  Seeiasi;.  8 

Nobody’s  Son  . . .  .  2 

Old  Clothes..,.. . . ;.:....  3 

Old  Dad’s  Gabir 
Otbello 


353 

244 

234 

246 


3 

0 

1 


m: 


45  •  %  1 


0 

2 

2 


297  Pomp  Green’s  Siwkes .  2 

134  Pomp  ’s 'Pra  nks . . .  2 

258  Prof  Bones’  Bates,  li  ven- 


Unr@.; 


m  e 

168  Texan  Mother-in-Law..  .  „  4 

2«i  TaVo  Aunt  Eodiiys.--'  V 
367  m,m  Wager,  S  -4  2 

81?  Uncle  Kthafi  :  | 

^69  Unjust  Justice .  g  2 

2)  3  Vermont  .Wobl  Dealer! ;; .  6  3 

-:,2!  ^^toifcefephone^..;^8:  Js> 
332  Which  -is  Which,?;. . .  3  3 

151  Wanted  a  Husband.  ’  *  ”  2  1 

56  .Wooing  Tender  Difficulties.  4  3 

.  70  Which  will  he  Marry!”  .  “  £  8 

135  Widower’s  Trials^...  \  5 

147-,-Waklug.Him  Up..  .  , .  *  2 

155  Wii.f  They  Joined  tbe"Re'.' 

414  W0.0  fc  Who?;  ,  ,  .  .  .  ,  3  2 

■403  Winning  a  Wife’!”!!.!.! 2  1 

ni  Yankee Dueiist..:.:....:.::  ;  3  i 

157  Yankee  -Pet)  tiler . cj  7  3 

3*7  Yacob’s .  Btetei.  Experience.  3  j> 

ETHIOPIAN  FAROES. 


177  Quarrel 
W?  School. 

133  Seeing 

179  Sb»«r».  Doctor . 

243  Sports  on  a  Dark..  . . ., 
92  Stage  Struck  Darkey. 
.  238  Strawberry  Sbor-cak 
122  Select  School,  Th c... 
108  Those  A  w  ful  Bo. 
Ticket  Taker 
Vice  Versa... 

Vibkens  an 
Virginia  ^ 

William 


Wig-M 
vants. 


-2.u) 


-Apademy  of  Stars"..., . £  8  Q 


!/>  2  ■  4  ? 

. /i'-g 


The  Bi 


On  to  Victory.  Gantan*.  a^u.,  • 

Festival  of  Days..„,, . 

Cousin  John’s. Album.  Pau- 


totniruea..;„ . 


399 

397 

360 


Happy  Franks  Spugster. 
Ames  Select  -  Recitations 

no.  1 . . . ; . ^2 

Mother  Earth,  and  her  Veg'-, 

atabie  Daughters..,. . 0 

Ames’  Series  of  Medleys, 
Recitations  -and  Tableaux 
No.  1 ..  . 

Arnes’  Series  0/ 

Recitations  and 

mimes  No.  2;,. . ,..w. 

376  Joan  of  Are  Drill . 

371  Victim  of  Woinaji's  P 
184  Family  Discipline  . 

186  My  Day  and  Ifpw-.t  u 


m 


m  Make- Up  Box.  Price  50  Gents. 
'  . . . 


